Who would have thought that this series would reach a fourth installment. Thank you to some continued submissions from readers, along with with a recent cross-country trip from Philadelphia to California to sit for the California Bar Exam, this installment is just CHOCK-F*CKIN-FULL of great examples of stupid license plates.
Despite having grown up in California, I must say that I was painfully naive to the amount of AWFUL vanity plates in this state. May this installment bear testament to this fact.
CATEGORY 1: THE D – BAGS
Surprisingly, the amount of douche-bag plates this installment is remarkably low. Regardless, lets get right into it:
As is typical for this category, it commences with an overpriced german car, usually a BMW or Audi. Here, we have no exception. I have NEVER understood the appeal of the Audi TT, but this driver, snapped somewhere in the Arizona desert, just had to run. Whether he is referring to his TT, or his mid-life desperate grasp at fitness by running half marathons and posting 10,000 pictures on facebook each time he does, one will never know.
Always. ALWAYS. Someone has to identify their expensive car to you in their license plate despite the fact that it is literally on the badging directly next to the plate. Thanks for reminding me you’re driving a 6+ year old Lexus RX, because I was too lazy to look 12 inches to the right to see the same identification.
And on that note:
Again. Same thing. Only the fact that this is on an early-90’s Acura makes it slightly less D-baggy. I mean, its a Mainer and you can probably still get pretty much any vanity plate you want in Maine, since maybe like 1,000 people live there? (Despite being one of the most gorgeous states in the union) But I expect a LITTLE more creativity from Vacationland.
Would have NEVER thought I’d see a Hyundai make this list, especially a re-badged Hyundai Tiburon. BUT – Deb got her Genesis Coupe. Lets all be happy for Deb.
Thanks to reader Silviana S. for the submission on this one. CANNOT STAND people who continue to draw lines in the sand on racial grounds. Go ahead, girl. Be a diva. Why does being a “black diva” make you even more so?
Bonus – you’ll notice this was shot on the I-76 Freeway, see Category 3 below re: Philadelphia and its freeway numbering.
“P” Did it? Who the hell is P? Did he commit the crime you were accused of? (Or maybe that’s your story at least?) Perhaps you’re just a Puff Daddy fan and “PDIDDY” was already taken?
Either way, please keep your dirty Dodge Charger with misspelled dust graffiti on the trunk lid in North Philly. And speaking of North Philly:
No. Just no. Ugh.
Exactly. NO EXCUSES for some of these awful plates. (But there is always good reason to save the Ta-tas, I suppose, as this driver is doing from his/her PT Cruiser…)
CATEGORY 2: THE WTF? PLATES
Up top? Of what? Not even going to go any further with this one…
I became a lawyer due in no small part to the fact that I absolutely SUCK at math. But even I know, however, that 1,364 of 1 works out to like .07%? Nor does the number correspond in any way to the cab’s “945” ID number.
NO idea what the hell this cab going is going for with this plate.
Your style? What is…white VW CC’s? I really don’t get it.
Maybe he’s a photography guy. Maybe he’s saving a lot of $$ using Snapshot by Progressive. No idea, but seemed like an odd license plate none the less.
CATEGORY 3: WORTH A LAUGH
First and foremost, as a good, ardent patriot I must give mad love to this license plate:
If there’s one thing Philadelphians love, its 1776. Our freeways, e.g., were renumbered just so that they could contain the number 76 in them. (I-76, I-476, I-276). Additionally, we have a GOD AWFUL basketball team, the 76ers, that bears the number.
I cannot, however, see this reference without thinking of those now esoteric Massachusetts Tourism commercials from the 80’s, remember?? The Spirit of Massachusetts is the Spirit of America?
Family Guy also did an awesome spoof of this commercial, but copyright laws being what they are, good luck finding a clip on the interwebs.
As soon as I saw this license plate, I immediately thought of A) how much I cannot stand Christmas music, and B) how much I hate the 12 days of Christmas above all other Christmas songs.
I really never got that. At all. Who the hell buys someone maids-a-milking? The 13th Amendment to the US Constitution would probably have something to say about that nowadays anyway.
BUT. On the topic of the 12 days of Christmas, I leave dissection of this song to the master himself; Eddie Izzard:
I love all things farm animals. When I saw a plate, on a really expensive Lexus in the middle of Arkansas that said “WOO PIG” on it – I almost spit out the Diet Coke from my Big Gulp – this guy must have made his fortune from pig farming and, thus, memorialized his success in license plate form.
Then reader Marita H. explained to me this is a college football reference. Oh well. Still funny (to me at least).
And speaking of being south of the Mason-Dixon Line:
Love your Texas roots. Even if you’re not in Texas.
Vincent Van Gogh? Nope. Vincent Vahn GON. Well played, sir.
Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIA. Love it. Thanks for bringing back fond memories of late-80’s commercials.
The one thing they never told you in those commercials, though, was how nasty those seeds are when you first have to spread them, and that you have to look at that filth until it grows in. Overrated gift. Instead, you should have spent your money on the CLAPPER:
Apparently in the late-80’s, there was only one font available for marketing on the side of boxes.
MORNING, GUV’NAH! (Submitted by reader Silviana R.)
This one takes the cake for the category, because this vehicle owner actually pasted in a colon between MSSN and IMP (you might have to blow the photo up on your screen to see it). Well played, sir.
The only mission that’s impossible for this guy is finding an oil change for an SL600 under $150.
CATEGORY 4: VANITY PLATE WIN
I’m sure many of you are thinking “WTF” instead of “WIN.” Well, those of you who read this blog regularly know what an aviation nerd I am.
The owner of this mini-van, despite owning a mini-van, is otherwise very cool in that he flew for one of the iconic west coast airlines, Pacific Southwest Airlines (PSA), which is now absorbed into US Air.
I mean, not only would it have been cool to be a passenger during this time, but to also have been a pilot in control of some of the most gorgeous commercial aircraft ever built that made up a lot of PSA’s fleet.
Not to mention, these amazing stews and corresponding uniforms:
Enough said. WIN WIN WIN.